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The national burden...

'You're just lazy! -- Don't give me that 'metal fatigue' stuff!'

'Mother's visiting next week, so I'd like you to lock up all the dissidents.'

'Albert, I am not amused. I said small conservatory.'

"Yah-roo! Remember lads, diplomacy's the key! So grab your flying carpet and let's go civilize those sand-monkeys!"

Young Donald Trump visits the king & queen: 'I wanna see the counting house! I wanna see the counting house! I wanna see...'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

Photos of Queen Elizabeth II

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

'Of all the technological advances from the last 60 years, this is one's favourite.'

"Possible exception to Prince William's proposed halt on space travel." proposed halt on space travel."

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

"And to think he started in accounting."

'I'm a guard dog too.'

Medieval King

'My son made it for me in shop class.'

"He's retreated into nationalism."

"'Happily ever after' you want? Then you keep the house kosher!"

Duchess of Cambridge

My horse for a kingdom.

Catherine the Great with her daughter Nora Soso

The Loneliness of Power

"What do you mean, Grandma granted you asylum?"

POLLS, 'If an election were being held today....'

'When I first met the queen she was a hat check girl and I had to marry her to get my crown back.'

'You learned WHAT about me in history class?'

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography

Queen Anne

Coventry Carol

"Consititutionally there's no bar to marriage. I'm C. of E."

Charles entered wholeheartedly into the Royal image re-building.