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The national burden...

'You're just lazy! -- Don't give me that 'metal fatigue' stuff!'

'Mother's visiting next week, so I'd like you to lock up all the dissidents.'

'Albert, I am not amused. I said small conservatory.'

"Yah-roo! Remember lads, diplomacy's the key! So grab your flying carpet and let's go civilize those sand-monkeys!"

Young Donald Trump visits the king & queen: 'I wanna see the counting house! I wanna see the counting house! I wanna see...'

'At this rate I'll end up with more heirs than hairs!'

Photos of Queen Elizabeth II

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

'Of all the technological advances from the last 60 years, this is one's favourite.'

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

"Possible exception to Prince William's proposed halt on space travel." proposed halt on space travel."

"Of all the labour saving devices invented in the last 70 years, this is one's favourite."

'This year, Sire, I've created a socko narrative of scatological raillery and rollicking nihilism which ends with a sexy justification for third quarter losses.'

"And His Majesty sends you a great big kiss, too."

'One can see the baby's crown!'

'I'm a guard dog too.'

"Do these puffy pants make me look less tyrannical?"

"And to think he started in accounting."

"He's retreated into nationalism."

'My son made it for me in shop class.'

Medieval King

"'Happily ever after' you want? Then you keep the house kosher!"

Duchess of Cambridge

My horse for a kingdom.

'When I first met the queen she was a hat check girl and I had to marry her to get my crown back.'

'I know you had to give him a job because he's a relative, but I still think a Press Secretary should know how to read and write.'

'You learned WHAT about me in history class?'

POLLS, 'If an election were being held today....'

Possible Titles For My Upcoming Autobiography

The Loneliness of Power

Queen Anne

Catherine the Great with her daughter Nora Soso

"What do you mean, Grandma granted you asylum?"

King on desert island sits beneath tree in shape of court jester hat