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King James I

"Of course, it helped that my father was also a king."

'I deserve a medal for compiling this lot!'

'He threw his back out trying to lift an embargo.'

'I thought since we can't have the Queen...'

Prince Philip's 90th Birthday

'I invested in a completely new economic system for the country, but the instructions are in japanese.'

ER

"I thought it was next Tuesday we opened to the public."

"Now that's what I call a proper atom bomb, generals!"

Sawed Off Throne

"Again! Don't all the king's men have more important things to do than put together a foolish egg?"

The Loneliness of Power

"Not a patch on the North Korean marching women!"

"Yes - we offer complete privacy. We are 3 billion miles from earth. . .Just get a double room ready for Meghan and Harry."

'Sure, go ahead and devalue our currency -- everybody ELSE does.'

King on desert island sits beneath tree in shape of court jester hat

Roy & Al

"Do you think the Queen of England will send the Queen of Australia a telegram when she turns 100?"

'Well, I suppose that legalizing everything would technically lower the crime rate....'

"Don't even think about it! I am the property of the English Monarch!"

'I checked the statistics, Sire, and the deficit has doubled since you got married.'

'Now, most Huns are hard-working, law-abiding citizens -- I'm only talking about extremist Huns....'

City Dump: Glass, Plastic, Garden Waste, Unsold Royal Wedding Tat.

'When I first met the queen she was a hat check girl and I had to marry her to get my crown back.'

Forget Lady Ga-Ga...here's Queen ER-ER!

'How about you do the dragon and I'll go bake some cookies?'

'Okay, you were right -- beanbag thrones are a dumb idea.'

'I'm sure Mother didn't mean it to be an invasion.'

'Surely you can miss one bowling night for a peace summit!'

'Of course we have a pluralistic society! — there must be millions of people out there!'

'I'm bushed -- Let's call it a day.'

'I hate to let you go, but I can't afford an astrologer AND a spin doctor.'

'My son made it for me in shop class.'

'I told the jester he could take April Fool's Day off.'