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'When you say I made the cut, is that a good thing or a bad thing?'

'Just because Mother declared war on you doesn't mean you had to declare war on HER!'

'Don't bother Daddy -- He fell in the moat again.'

"A kingdom? A whole kingdom? All I want is a horse."

"Oh well, what does a jester know?"

'Now that I'm King, no more of that 'Eddie' stuff, Mom.'

English People With Servants Having Problems - On Demand

'When did YOU switch to a talk format?'

'I don't know. Neo-monarchism sounds good...'

"Good morning, beheaded—uh, I mean beloved."

'No, no, no - I said do me a ship in a bottle'

Under the microscope

King reaching for an apple

Palanquin Toilet Break

Somebody turns up

LUDWIG REX, 'I don't like it - It makes me sound like a hairdresser!'

'First you drop hints - if that doesn't work, you drop bombs.'

'We don't have the funds to build a huge statue of you, Sire - How would you feel about a bobble-head?'

'He doesn't reign so much as he drizzles.'

The First autobiography: 'I'm afraid, sire, if you want a biography, you'll have to write it yourself!'

At last, Paul Burrell finds his diary.

"C'mon. She's clearly just a rebound girl."

"You're why I have the moat, Mother."

'You'd be worried, too, if YOUR mother-in-law got a seat on the Security Council.'

'That wasn't great sex, but it was fun!'

"No, I wasn't abused, but I cut off my father's head anyway."

'I can't believe you hired your National Security Advisor from Cratg's List!'

"Humanitarian aid? -- What fun is that?"

"He's playing very hard to get - he's got a restraining order."

"But he's noble deep down INSIDE, Daddy!"

"I tried kicking the economic crisis down the road, and it kicked me back!"

"I fear he's the bearer of bad news."

'You don't get all bent out of shape when LADY GODIVA does it!'

"I wouldn't mind this so much, if it weren't for the inheritance taxes!"

"Sara! Get me King Louie! No, I don't care which one!"