Roof-tinkerer Gifts

Fit-it-yourself Weather vein (blood not included).

Pounding speeds up the computer.

Robot Parts $5

"He can't decide which one he likes best. . .His leaf blower, his weed wacker, or his metal detector."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

'My penmanship has really improved since I got a laser printer.'

"I'm grounded. I forgot to delete the car's computer history after we did those crop circles on Earth."

The Computer Bore

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"I haven't a clue what it does, but I don't know I managed without it"

'What we've got here is a failure to communicate.'

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

Tool Box

Mac OS 20

Drool Marks

"In the whole length and breadth of this world there is no more admirable a spot for a man and his dog to pass the time than the local Home Depot."

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

Painting the Ceiling

"Measure twice, cut once...and curse three times!"

"Once I connect with my server over there, I can turn my lamp on and off."

"You've just got to have the biggest and the best, have'nt you?!"

Early cyborg.

'They look more up to date than the ones in your tool-box.'

Gadget geek.

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

Name one serious woodworker who doesn't use state of the art kit. Thomas Chippendale.

'Hon? Did your phone go dead? Hello?'

Sale! Weed Whackers

"He's on screen saver. Just tap him."

'I solved the problem of dead zones on my cell phone with a personal satellite,'

"I sensed you needed my help. I’m Saint &@!#%&!!, the patron saint of cursing."

The Not-So Smart Meter

'I suppose you want Polly to forget she heard that.'

'I think I see what's making your funny noise.'