Romantic Tortoise T-Shirts

"Our blind dates have spotted us, but it's going to be a while before we reach them: try to stay nonchalant all the way though..."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

Dog in love

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'She broke up with me because I'm a stray and, thus, always have fleas!'

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

'Multiple personality.'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

Brexit Tortoise

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

"Travellin' through?"

"I've downsized."

'Can't we ever just have a conversation?'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

"It helps to lessen the load of my shelf Dad: I'm so much faster now..."

Tortoise Goes For A Swim