Romantic Tortoise Pillows

"Our blind dates have spotted us, but it's going to be a while before we reach them: try to stay nonchalant all the way though..."

"I decided to go all out on the house decorations this year."

"Have you heard? There's talk about raising the retirement age to 170?"

"Eat my dust!"

"Maybe if I make myself inconspicuous I won't be called on."

Dog in love

Wonders of Evolution: This species has developed an unusual protective shell.

'Quick, I'll give you a piggyback ride home, otherwise, we'll get in trouble for being late...'

'Caution Speed Bump Ahead.'

'She broke up with me because I'm a stray and, thus, always have fleas!'

'You may disagree with me now, Son, but when you're 500 years old, you'll understand.'

Man in a tortoise shell visiting a psychiatrist.

'Thanks to the internet, I can telecommute a few days a week now: I don't need to waste so much time travelling...'

'Though we understand your feelings towards your automobile, we aren't able to approve your application to marry it.'

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

"They're perfect astronauts. Fast velocity followed by a long, slow pace."

'170 years old - and they look that age from day one!'

'Calm down darling... now what do you mean the tortoise has gone berserk?'

'Multiple personality.'

"I've downsized."

Brexit Tortoise

"Travellin' through?"

'Can't we ever just have a conversation?'

'I'm sorry, but I just can't handle you being out at sea for so long.'

'The 20th century wasn't bad, but I preferred the 19th. I'm open minded for the 21st.'

'Stop fooling around, I can hear my dad coming out of the shower...'

Bureaucrat Walking his Pet

"He's such a gentleman, he didn't use a 'mating call' to attract me: he's developed a 'please join me on a date' call..."

'Tortoise stampede! But finish your picnic, folks - plenty of time.'

Boy throws a stick for a tortoise. By the time the tortoise returns, the boy is an old man.

"As cats go, my Bertie's always been a little slow on his feet, but then again, that's a tortoise shell for you!"

Hang on, don't cross now: I can see a car coming...

Rainy day despondency phobia: 'Poor George can't stand the pitter-patter of rain on his shell.'

"It helps to lessen the load of my shelf Dad: I'm so much faster now..."

Rex is suddenly regretting having offered to help the old lady cross the road...