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William and Real Estate

"Will you stand by him through humiliating revelation after humiliating revelation, and then-once you're sure it couldn't possibly get any worse-when even more humiliating revelations come to light?"

"I really miss being in a committed relationship, Randy." "Which part do you miss most?" "Having someone disagree with you over what you're going to eat, or over what TV shows you're going to watch? Or do you miss having to account for how you spend your time? Or having to explain why you bought yourself something awesome without first getting permission?" "Mostly I miss the back rubs. They don't ask you to wash the dishes first at massage parlors."

"We'll always have Paris..."

"She can walk the walk, but can she talk the talk?"

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

Tunnel of Love/Tunnel of Marriage

'All I want for Valentine's Day is a Greek fisherman's cap.'

"You're calling it love, but it's really just static electricity."

"And there was I thinking you'd been Beta tested."

'I'd like to dedicate this next tune to those who have discovered love, gotten married, and wished desperately for death.'

Marriage least expected to last...

"I do. Have your people contact my people to hammer out the details."

'I'd like your permission to enter into pre-nuptial negotiations...'

A Zircon Is Forever

"What's this for poorer stuff?"

'Well I wouldn't have to fake orgasms if you didn't fake foreplay!'

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

'After sex he checks his cell phone messages.'

"My computer just texted me."

"Forget about flowers, trust me, bring her honey: It's a sure way to one's heart..."

"How do you love me. Count the ways!"

"Boy, I hope we never end up like this."

Unconditional Loveseat

"I want to get married and start a family with you—although God knows who I'll want to finish it with."

'You mustn't blame yourself for everything that goes wrong, Dear. It makes me feel redundant.'

"Bob & Sue 2011" "Sued Bob 2011"

"Well, this isn't really going anywhere if you don't like public displays of affection."

'You wanted to go on a romantic outing. You're on a romantic outing.'

"Alone bad. Boyfriend good!"

"You'll note that the card isn't signed so my declaration of undying love isn't legally binding!"

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

Merge Ahead

'Would you do me the honour of becoming tax advantaged with me?'