Romantic Counselor T-Shirts

'Progress of a bookshelf'

"Sure, it's more efficient. But I still miss shooting the arrows."

"You've changed."

Relationship Warning Lights

Relationship counselor: 'She started behaving strangely, and our man-machine interface has become unpredictable.'

"No, I really DO love you. It's just that my committee has some issues."

"You've reached Randy the love doctor. What ails you?"

"I've switched my energy provider, and I switched my broadband provider. Now I want to switch my misery provider."

"Will you listen to the same three anecdotes until one of you dies?"

"I love it when we clear up issues between us."

"When I ask questions, I expect answers!"

"OK, fine. Perhaps 'sower of discord in the lower depths of hell' was overstating it."

"We hope seeing a marriage counselor maybe could make one of us less stubborn!"

"What I’ve learned is you have to look deep inside your heart and ask yourself, ‘What is it that she really wants to hear?’"

"How do I love thee….? Let me count the ways…" "I'm going to want a recount."

"I don’t know how many ways I can explain it. One morning you’ll just wake up and know that you’re in love."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

'...till death, or a really huge argument over ringtones, do you part.'

"Now look, Frank, Molly, there's nothing wrong with a Polar Bear and a Penguin being in a relationship. In fact, in my experience, Polar opposites attract!"

'And the life of man, solitary, poore, nasty, brutish, and short.' -- Thomas Hobbes, 'I dated a guy like that once.'

"It will be all your fault."

Planned Parenthood: Not Tonight Dear. I Have a Headache.

'I want to start by having you take separate staycations.'

"After six marriages I learnt my lesson and married my divorce lawyer."

Catch and release dating.

"Ultimately, we realized we share too many app subscriptions not to make it work."

A Reasonable Time for Concern

"Tell me more about your imposter syndrome."

'Silly me. I thought his 'Catch and Release' bumper sticker referred to his philosophy on trout fishing.'

An evening with Stanley Bucholtz, relationship MD,,,tonight: 'Just ONE evening,,,'