Roi Optimizer Pillows

The ROI on social media was not yet optimized.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

Blowing dust off an order book.

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"Now that I've made that perfectly clear..."

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

Castle Efficiency

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

"Remember, you're only as sick as you feel."

"I'd consider taking out this appendix you'renot using and greatly expanding your kidney area."

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'EXIT -Next Exit.'

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

"That's your tiny house!"

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

Kids' energy levels

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

Silly man ordered a bed that is too big for his room.

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"It's really too much house for us, but Fran and I plan to live in the walk-in closet and rent the rest."

"I, too, like being festive, but since we live in a nest, space is a factor."

"I like putting any all the holiday decorations....it makes the room seem twice as large."

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

"Well, Mr. Hicks, your resume looks quite impressive and of course, the fact that you can sniff out truffles is a plus!"