Roi Optimizer Pillows

The ROI on social media was not yet optimized.

"Marshall, somewhere out there, just waiting for us, is a loophole in the system."

"This software will cut my workload in half, so I purchased two."

'You say you were King of the Jungle, but it seems your experience is mainly in savannah grassland...'

'We believe in using performance-enhancing drugs here.. they're called bonuses.'

'Someone important is bound to see my resume now!'

"According to your resume, you've done just about everything except ever having a job."

Blowing dust off an order book.

'Eee,love - this place gives me a great idea for the spare bedroom!'

"I'll throw in a few extra pinstripes."

"Now that I've made that perfectly clear..."

"We want it to look lived in, but not necessarily by us."

'You've been rearranging the furniture again, haven't you?'

"It's a terrific space, Tony—but do you think the TV will fit?"

Samuel Pepys' writer's block

"Remember, you're only as sick as you feel."

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

"And these are the Andersons, our tenants."

Castle Efficiency

"The mirrors really do make this apartment look bigger."

'You have the body of a 22 year old man, providing your birthday is February 29th.'

'EXIT -Next Exit.'

Kids' energy levels

'How do you like the new cubicle?' - 'Can I have my old office back please.'

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

"That's your tiny house!"

"Just think- if it really was 'unlivably small,' would they have installed a permanent Ping-Pong table?"

Silly man ordered a bed that is too big for his room.

"Lay off the junk food, your pancreas is rusty"

"I like putting any all the holiday decorations....it makes the room seem twice as large."

"I, too, like being festive, but since we live in a nest, space is a factor."

"Actually, turns out my entire life can take place at 10%."

"It's really too much house for us, but Fran and I plan to live in the walk-in closet and rent the rest."

"Well, Mr. Hicks, your resume looks quite impressive and of course, the fact that you can sniff out truffles is a plus!"

'I prefer it this way.'