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"And this is Brother Elvis."

"This is a lovely old song that tells of a young woman who leaves her cottage, and goes off to work. She arrives at her destination, and places some solid NHHS in a flask containing 0.50 atm ofammonia, and attempts to determine the pressures of ammonia and hydrogen sulide when equilibrium is reached."

'Nothing beats seeing your favourite band play live.'

Jazz quartet, piano, bass, sax and drums

"Alexa, play Thriller by Michael Jackson."

David Grohl - Foo Fighters

Plum jam...

"Apparently the Ebola virus can make your ears bleed."

Man looks at huge dinosaur fossil in garden, saying: 'It looks great in the rockery, but don't you think you should call the Natural History Museum?'

"Those are the lyrics? How embarrassing—I've been singing it wrong this whole time."

"Iggy Pop? More like Iggy Grandpop."

'I got fired, Amy... I hate it when that happens!'

Saxophonist playing on the map of Cornwall.

...As we know, Jesus was a carpenter... but I don't think he actually sang on any of their records..."

Disease-y Top

Snake Charming

For the musician strapped for space...the Murphy piano.

'In a slight change to the programme, the second year jazz quartet aren't playing 'Hello Dolly'. They are however playing truant!'

"When I said I wanted socks, I obviously meant I wanted a multi-room sound system with voice activated management."

Islington Angels.

"The Who used to smash up their instruments after their shows — have you ever considered that?"

Surgeon to other: 'First organ transplant?'

'Oh it's fantastic. It's my thirty fourth favourite sub-genre of progressive rock.'

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time