Robot Whisperer Pillows

"They don't appear to want to take over. They just want to dance."

"Go ahead. Click on 'I Am Not A Robot.' I dare you."

Turing Test Today

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

"I don't know - the minute I figured out how to make it self-aware it realized it was naked, ran, and hid from me."

"We'll try putting you on a stronger antibionic"

'Welcome to the automated booking line. Please state your location.' 'Oxford' 'I'm sorry. I didn't hear that. Please try again.' 'Oxford, you dumb robot!' 'I think you said 'Dumbarton'. Please press '9' to confirm.'

"Your feelings may be artificial, but that doesn't mean they're not real."

Robots programmed to mimic humans. Who's that? Oh, we just keep him around to blame things on.

Artificial Intelligence

I think the boss is going to replace me with a robot. Tap tap tap tap tap. Is the robot named "Karma"? I don't think so. Why do you ask? Isn't it obvious? You're always on your Me-phone. Or playing your Play-box or X-station or whatever. You have a robot vacuum cleaner and a robot car. And to take one look at you, it's almost certain you've got a robot girlfriend. If anyone deserves to be automated out of a job, it's you! Hold on ... I'm polling my Twitter followers on potential retorts.

Robo Doc M.D. I wish they'd reprogram that thing to say "normal aging" rather than "planned obsolescence."

Space Rover Finds Desert Crawlers

'If it wants to dream, we could give it some vague, unstructured problem to mull over during the night.'

"When I said 'do everything for me,' I didn't mean drink my beer and eat my pizza."

'Is there a programmer in the house?'

'Sergeant! Wake up the lazer guided slaughter-bot. We have a mission for him.'; Reply - 'But he looks so peaceful, Sir.'

'I'm calling in a specialist from Mel's Motors.'

"Vous voyez quoi pour l'avenir de l'humanité?"

"When you say you're behind me 100%, do you mean base ten or binary?"

"No more nuts and bolts for you!"

"I remember when I used to be 'cutting edge'!"

Artificial Intelligence

A robot keeps a drone in a cage as a pet.

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Bitchbark Canoe

"In the first place, it isn't "maddening crowd.' It's 'madding crowd.' "

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Think of it as twenty one in human years. I'll take a bourbon and toilet water."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."