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Stan Mack's Real Life Funnies: The Science of Love

"I know this is not a proper job for a PhD, Mom, but I have student loans to repay."

"I was going to play the Moonlight Sonata, but I forgot the key."

'And she's got to have implants out to here.'

Toothbrush Romance

"You knew I was hooked when you married me!"

"What's a nice girl like you doing in a bubble like this?"

'They call me Portugese Man of War, but I'm really just a jellyfish of love.'

"To lose weight they said I've just had to give up two things. . .food and drink!"

"Nice touch." - Resume playing music.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

"What do I do - I'm a mouse pilot, like everybody else."

"I'm sorry, but Fred isn't available. He's spending a few days in the penalty box for not being a good team player. May I help you?"

'The best gig I can get you for your comeback, Lazarus, is DJ in the graveyard slot.'

'Do you take this annoying woman to be your lawful wedded wife?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"We've decided to give you a bonus, Rick. It's any change you find under the cushions."

'Look at it this way ... one bad job can can give you all the experience you'll ever need.'

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

'I don't want just a bunch of 'yes' men around here! Hire a couple of women!'

"For richer or poorer, in function and dysfunction,..."

"Oh, don't mind us. We boo everybody."

"Your accomplishments speak for themselves. Unfortunately for you, I'm completely fluent in exaggeration."

Top Ten Elevator Hits of All Time

It's not always a good idea for two contrarians like you to be together. Amanda Kern. Comics Counseling. You hear that, you old battle-axe? Yeah, I hear that, you old coot. That'll be $150.

Lion Choir.

'According to my Dad, bosses are just like headmasters. The only difference is that they give you money every month.'

"When I agreed to working closely with you on this project..."

Comedy Rule

This next song is about facing your fears, which I'll be playing on the ukulele.

"And I suppose my greatest feature is that I don't mind kissing a little booty to get ahead!"

Getting employees involved in decision making can help give them a sense of ownership. Sometimes, a little too much.

'Tell me about yourself. If I stay awake, you've got the job.'