Ringing Appreciator Gifts

"To help with the constant ringing in your ears, I'm prescribing instructions to set up your voice mailbox."

"My wife wanted to see a diamond. So I took her to a ballgame."

Donald Trump Tells a Joke...

"I speak Latin, you know."

"I like to stay on top of things."

"...Looks like nothing but snow on TV tonight..."

'... Further to our telephone conversation of the 3rd, my fax of the 11th, my letters of the 16th, 23rd and 28th, my emails of....'

Susie's single status had spread to her socks.

'I need a small, temporary tax hike - I found a great investment opportunity in Nigeria.'

Cybervegan Caf

'No, but next week, the fireworks start in earnest.'

'We really need to start hiring self-starters.'

'I take it that this will be your first visit to Venice?'

'It's past now, but for a minute there I almost thought about going out and buying you some bling.'

"...and this is my better half...!"

Taxi Rank

"Listen! They're playing our song...only now it's our insurance company's jingle."

Walter decided to tune a piano because he didn't know how to tune a fish

"This idea of offering staff flexible working options is genius, we should have done it years ago!"

"...I hate mainstream music."

It's not deja vu if you get it every day, Bob.

“Please—outside of work I’m not your boss. I’m just Dave with the nicer car, bigger house, and three-hundred-dollar haircut.”

Bank Front

"I understand that curiosity is a good thing in non-cats."

Fussbudget 1989

"Deep and crisp and even...just how I like my pizzas!"

'I may not know much about art, but I do know what I like. Have you heard me purr yet?'

As it were

"There's the UPS truck, but that's not Justin. What's going on?! Where the #@*! is Justin?!"

"I married money, son, so that you might never have to."

"Well, happy birthday I guess...your present cost me an arm and a leg."

Maternity/Eternity

'It's simple, small and cheap. If she likes you, she'll probably like it.'

Celibacy is not hereditary.