Ring Master T-Shirts

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

'Break.'

Gymnastics.

'To tell you the truth, I thought I lost the fight.'

'I've gone over the fight tapes and I think I've pinpointed your weakness.'

"If you ask me, he's too damn cocky!"

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

'Boss, come here quick!'

"Don't worry lad, we're all nervous at first."

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

"Hey, just wanted to say bye again, guys, I'm off to join the circus."

"Boss, I guarantee you that my intentions with your daughter are serious."

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

Circus

Opening night at the circus: "How's everyone's jitters?"

"I wanna be a clown when I grow up."

'Nah, the circus ain't what it used to be. It's got all fancy and hard since Circ de Something started.'

"What do you mean, you 'feel funny'?"

'He's a control freak but the treats are good.'

'The actors guild suspended my membership.'

'Do you still think we have this family under control?'

A dog lights a cigarette, blows 3 smoke rings, then jumps through them, as if through hoops.

"My therapist said next time he tries to put his head in my mouth I've to politely refuse"

Matador.

'You've got to give her points for originality.'

"Sorry I'm late, I've brought cappuccinos for everyone."

Circus Act

Tired mom: I thought labour ended when leaving the hospital.

"You hit the ball- that's ping. Your opponent hits the ball- that's pong!"

'So that's where I left my car keys!'

'I just want to be taken seriously as an artist.'

"This is the part I hate most - he's got terrible bad breath!"

"Fifi's husband was in the audience!"

'Now, I want you to get back out there and beg him for mercy!'

'...You have some pretty big shoes to fill.'