Riff Master T-Shirts

Toothless Rocker, "Oi, play the guitar with your own teeth !"

Musician plugged into amp.

'Your Dad phoned earlier and told me that this is how he wanted it fixed.'

'Boy, the fish are really biting today, aren't they, Fred?'

"My blood pressure stays fine, Doctor, as long as nothing comes between me and my fishing."

Fisherman Evolution: They have evolved over the years with three distinct species...the largest of these is the coarse fisherman.

New music conference

"Dad's dinner really is melt-in-your-mouth...it's half frozen!"

TV Chef Cooking Range

'I didn't want to get the napkin messy.'

'Your reflexes are still good!'

"You must forgive me, I seem to have misplaced my spectacles... Does the best man have the ring?"

Solitaire card shark.

'What did I tell you about getting caught on the ropes?'

'You've got to give her points for originality.'

"I'm incredibly happy - must be the medication speaking."

My Musical Influences

"My dad was a prize-winning bull too: According to Mum, he won a raffle once at the local fair..."

The Specimen Hunter

'... Geez! This guy's got the poker face from hell.'

Cook for 3 minutes stir, wait 30 years to discover if the contaminated ingredient gives you stomach cancer.

Happy Birthday! I wasn't sure what sort of music you like...

Microwave - 'Table 19 sends compliments to the chef!'

'I think the microwave has finally given up the ghost.'

Man fishing out of another man's fishing box.

Servant talking to her old master about her new position

'The break is over, guys. It's time we got back to our 'Poker Addiction Support Group.''

'Which one beats - a straight or a flush?'

'When are you gonna get me some real competition?'

Of feeling the balance and whip of a favourite rod.

Printing Room

"Since when did my opinions become 'riffs'?"

A patient's heart monitor reveals he is thinking about fish.

"If he could put a horse up his sleeve, he'd probably win at that too."