Rhetorical Enthusiast Gifts

Steel Futures

Enhanced Pedophilia Interrogation Techniques

Sen. Krupt. I don't tell constituents that we're fueling inflation. I say we're protecting consumers and thanks to us they won't have to worry about buying any cheap stuff.

"And just like that, e got rid of Florida."

"And when the canyon fills up, that's it; herd immunity."

'The History Channel is all reruns.'

Support the Ex-Troops

"Now, how can I be of assistance?"

Torturing the English Language

Pretty Flowers

Come in, minion. What's up, boss? I'm writing a novel. It's a thriller about an intrepid caf

"Meet The Author"

Accelerated reading. Slowpoke reading,

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

The Dorrie Decimal System

"We're looking for that perfect blend of vision, ambition and ethical ambiguity."

The height of fashion in 1796

"If we only used bigger clubs we would defeat our enemies every time, and we would dominate them forever!"

Blue Stockings

reincarnated worm...

'He likes to power nap.'

"My novel is not a doorstop!"

Needed Inventions: An Airbag To Protect The Viewer Against A Really Lousy Program.

"Let's say you've always wanted to make someone a mixtape to show them how much you care about them. What's the best order? Do you start with songs about how rich you are before moving on to the songs about love? Or vice versa?. . .What order would best simulate sincerity?"

"I don't like the looks of that!"

"We don't care about his nose. We won't let him play because he's not vaccinated and won't wear a mask!"

The Grasshopper's Feast: A Prophetic Vision

John Bunyan

Not to be a motion picture. Will remain just a book.

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"Hey, it's not all fire and brimstone anymore—one of our nine circles is even smoke-free."

'Negotiations have reached an impasse, legal recommends we resort to violence.'

"We're suing you under equal opportunities legislation for failure to represent our rights"

"The document states that you've been left your mother's jowls and upper arm flab."

'The world already ended, but the government hushed it up.'