Rhetoric Analyzer Prints

NBS NEWS DIVISION, 'You've written a nice editorial on Sarah Palin here, but change 'said' to 'spewed,' and 'speech' to 'vitriol.''

The Politician's Tongue.

'His best qualities are circumventing questions and evading answers.'

Tonight: Town Hall Meeting. With free speech, sometimes I think that you get what you pay for!

My Aunt's Left Hook Expels Uriah From The Chaise

"Presidential approval ratings. US stock market confidence indices. U.S. dollar index. So much winning."

Oz Debating Society. You can't refute everything I say just by call it a "straw man" argument.

Masters of Political Oratory

'Actually, I think my use of hyperbole is not only iconoclastic, it is potentially revolutionary.'

The Truth

And now, for a rebuttal.

Professor Dubreuil is blow away by the dynamic vitality of Dean Richmond's rhetoric.

"You're not at all like your answering machine."

"Smart stuff, Chip, but wise up and dumb it down."

'Oh it's fantastic. It's my thirty fourth favourite sub-genre of progressive rock.'

Your logic is flaccid and your data suppositional, dawg!

Language of politics.

'Wow! Can't you just feel the safe-ness!'

Vote For Me: The winning over of voters.

Violent Rhetoric

Lawyers - A peroration a la Demosthenes

'Hopkins, I want you to write me an inspiring, dynamic speech that bears my unmistakable stamp of genius.'

"I can't see it lasting!"

"My religion is about love and tolerance! Got that, you stupid son of a bitch!?!

"That's it?! Boy exploits tree, tree suffers? Shel Silverstein was nuts!"

Inside the Candidates

Trumped by Semniotics

"My platform can be summarized in a single word: Leadership!"

"Socrates, you have an answer for everything, you can convince anyone of anything, and you know everything. You ought to become a lawyer."

"He doesn't lie. . . just repositions the truth."

"If elected, I'll institute an AMAZING CRASH PROGRAM that in JUST 24 HOURS will trim ugly fat and waste from government and literally turn it into SUPER SERVICES for you the AMERICAN PEOPLE by utilizing a NATURAL MECHANISM so powerful that when unleashed

'Not guilty, Your Honor, by reason of watching of watching too much political opponent-bashing.'

'Well, having a general opinion that fits every topic keeps him from wasting words...'

"So apart from stop being 'lying hypocritical uncaring bastards who'd promise anything to get back in power'...is there anything else we might do to secure your vote?"

Them's fightin' words, mister