Retrospective Philosopher Gifts

'Have you noticed how our days are getting shorter.'

'Hello? Missing Persons?'

People in the mirror may be more attractive than they appear.

Gramophone dreams of mp3 player.

"I can remember when a dollar was worth $47.32."

Pop Culture for Teens

"The house doesn't seem big because the kids are gone - it seems big because we've shrunk so much."

'Of course he didn't believe the stork story. Try telling him we made him with a 3D printer.'

"1971... 2015..."

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

Clearing up medals.

'I've tried hunting, and I've tried gathering, but what I really want is a desk job.'

I'm a bolt, dummy! Does everything look like a nail to you?!

Everything looks better through rose-tinted glasses.

"If I could take back ninety per cent of the things I say, then I think people would know the real me."

"Prospecting ain't what it used to be."

"Speaking only for myself, the unexamined life was a total gas!"

"C'mon, who am I trying to kid? 'The Wheel'...they'll never buy it."

Cow and Pig see 'Staff' logo reflected and read it as 'Fats'.

"I'm returning this mirror. It makes me look fat."

"It's a bit overrated really isn't it?"

'Bloody warmongers!'

'Maybe the world isn't getting less friendly, maybe you're just getting grumpier.'

Philosoraptors

'I'll tell you one thing - if I knew I'd live this long I'd have taken better care of myself.'

"To reinforce my diet, the mirror goes on the fridge."

'Greg feels he now has the answer. All people, he believes, are parodying themselves.'

"The universal remote. That's how God rules the universe."

"Secure in their ignorance, medieval peasants were impervious to education, fearful of progress and lived on potatoes and cabbage. Thankfully, it's very different today. Now they've got burgers and fries."

'My body was a temple, now it's the Acropolis.'

'What do you mean, 'Land Ahoy!'? We're just trading Fishing Season for Hunting Season.'

'I see a woman with a very large, round nose... Oh, wait, that's my reflection. Let me try that again.'

"Well, well, would you look at that. Fire. Talk about living beyond your means."

'Ha! I see a massive grey blanket too.'

"The way I see it, angst is the whole gestalt."