Retroactive Oracle T-Shirts

'I only make predictions in retrospect.'

"Everything on our menu uses organic, locally sourced, graveyard-to-table ingredients."

Gramophone dreams of mp3 player.

Wikipedia...

"The house doesn't seem big because the kids are gone - it seems big because we've shrunk so much."

Gracious, child...bubbling cauldrons of potions are old hat. I get mine over the internet, delivered frozen and ready for the microwave!

The Authentic Christmas.

"1971... 2015..."

"Oh, the crystal ball rolled off and fell right on my foot! Didn't see it coming!"

"Well, it gets lonely up here!"

Hipster Police Department

'Guide us, oh Webmaster.'

"Dad hasn't been the same since he went back to school."

'Can I carry your computer disks to school?'

"I'm looling for ground beef that's organic, non-GMO, and doesn't contain meat."

Generational curses: 'Yeah A virus on your PC'

"Prospecting ain't what it used to be."

'Rorschach multiple-choice test'

"It's asking for your password."

'I'll tell you one thing - if I knew I'd live this long I'd have taken better care of myself.'

'Looks like the income off of our site has went from passive to comatose.'

"Back in the day, I did that for a living. . ."

"Yes, I'm on my mobile phone."

'Have you noticed how our days are getting shorter.'

"Still at 19%, how about you?"

'What was I like 20 years ago? I was younger, thinner, better looking, sexier. . . and poorer.'

Architect reaching up at group of labeled hats, 'design' hat covered in cobwebs

...The competitors call him conservative and old-fashioned, but I call him obliged to traditions!

"Stay with me. I just want to cross-check your fortune with a quick Google search."

"Im so sorry, he's at a symposium in New Jersey."

Washing Day on Board a Zeppelin

"That was my doctor...he says I need to start an exercise program...but I've never exercise a day in my life. As a youngster, I was too busy washing my family's clothes, feeding the chickens, tending the garden..."

"...Hope that thing that takes coins & dollar bills at the self-checkout still works."