Retro Technology Lover Gifts

Why didn't Columbus use MapQuest?

'They're the only way I can afford the line rental.'

'Help! As a contrarian I invested in rotary and supersized phones.'

''TALKING' is a great invention.. but what we really need is CALLER ID.'

Technological advances within the office.

'I'm worried about that dog's hearing,Doris.'

"...or for Customer service press 9. If you are on a rotary phone please hang up and go buy a real phone"

'Knock the corners off that mate - and you've got the wheel.'

Telephone in a computer screen.

Antiques.

"We desperately need a new video presentation."

"House sitting for Tia Zulema is sooooo boring! Everything here is ancient!"

Cave painter drawing PC

Assertive hotline: 'Even though the announcer tells you not to, it's OK to touch your TV dial.'

'This baby is all natural and organic, so you don't need to suffer any techno anxieties.'

'No matter how I program it, it always tapes 'Battlestar Galactica.''

Hi-Tech Supplies, Year 2000 compatible systems in stock now

'It connects me to a -8G Network.'

"As an asset to this company I'd rank you right up there with our mimeograph machine."

Early Texting

'Quick Martha, set the video.'

Looking in a directory

"Way to go! You just invented the first laser pointer!"

'Your Grandad has never got over the passing of the age of steam.'

'Looks like Bob from the London branch got dragged into the fax.'

'We sold it to buy a video.'

Now - all newspapers on microfilm.

"It's a great invention, but what if it leads to UTILITY BILLS?"

"The fax machine ate my homework."

Future uses for cell phones

"Timlin, we're finally under budget, Timlin?"

Please press or say "1." Please stop yelling, "rotary dial!" Sorry.

Ye ol' recap: The gang road-tripped to Arizona. Mort wanted to protest the new immigration law. The other fellas wanted to meet chicks at the Phoenix Hooters. But Rudy put Hooper in the GPS and they wound up in Hooper, Utah. Or, rather, 100 miles outside of Hooper. On a dusty road. Without gas. Or snack foods. And no cellphone service. Or internet access. Or useful tools of any kind. Obsolete technology ... except a manually-powered bullhorn. You and you @#$% GPS got us into this mess!!! Can you

The Incendiary Bomb Machine

Spiked! Unfortunate mishap to a Zeppelin-through a Lack of Proper Caution in Descending.