Retirement Humorists Pillows

Retirement Communities

'I asked why my Social Security check was late, and they transferred me to a number in Beijing.'

"I used to drink to forget. Now, age-related, short-term memory loss takes care of that for me."

Road rage on a mobility scooter.

"Scientists have extended the life of the fruit fly."

'Good news Darling You've received loads of bids,,,'

'I said, I've decided to make myself available for the NBA draft.'

'Ain't it great, Wally, to be over the hill and not under it!'

"My inner child just turned 62. Where's his money?"

"You boys who have to take your medications with food, now's the time."

When scientists come out of retirement.

'When you get older everything hurts... and what doesn't hurt doesn't work!'

"I call him auction man - his hair is going, his teeth are going, his sex drive has gone."

'Face it dear, we are as old as we look!'

Pensioners - Old ink Pens at the park sitting and walking

I'm retired...I was tired yesterday and I'm tired again today.

Listen, you're fine. Lots of people your age start fuhgeddabouding things.

"Help! I've fallen and my son is a disappointment!"

"He's at that funny age. It takes twice as long to get over a good time, as to have it."

"No plans set in stone yet, but I'll probably spend some time getting on my wife's last nerve, maybe hyperfocus on the lawn."

'Our retirement plan is state funded. When you retire, we give you a lottery ticket.'

"We've been here forty years - When do we get our golden parachutes?"

'The teachers' range are all designed vertically so they can stand at the front of the class.'

'He's in a male 60 panic mode.'

'One hundred is the new ninety!'

"How do you know my wish didn't come true."

"Harry seldom leaves his retirement cubicle."

Getting older is....Getting involved in one upmanship over ailments and medications.

'Hey, you're the one who said he was too old to order off the kids' menu.'

'Poor Oog -- evolution sure has AGED him!'

Santa replaces reindeer with a mobility scooter.

Old fly...retirement home.

"Face it, Dear, we're in a desperate battle with gravity...and it's winning!"

'Your father's been really getting under my feet.'

Sorry the dementia statistics are not ready, they keep losing count.'