Retirement Home Regular T-Shirts

"They've swapped the pub for staying in and taking their meds."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I think the most rewarding part of caring for elderly parents is when they call you because they don't want to bother the 9-1-1 people."

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

'I never should have ordered the diet platter.'

"Tonight, perhaps Mrs. Lewis would prefer this quiet little table for two from which to send back her entrée?"

"Rump roast?"

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

I'd like to take this menu and shove it where the sun don't shine. But I'll settle for the omelette & hash browns...

"Ladies first. Actually, it's safety first. But ladies are definitely a close second."

'I'm sure M'lady will appreciate the mashed potatoes. Our chef uses only grass-fed single-udder butter.'

"Waiter, there's a weapon of mass destruction in my soup!"

"All of tonight's specials dance around the whole GMO thing."

Old snowboarder with a zimmerboard.

"We have; pulled pork, enticed chicken, persuaded lamb, bullied beef, cajoled Turkey..."

"I'll have the barbecued half-pounder, with all the ramifications."

'Men order. . . women shop.'

'I am not doing nothing ... I am perfecting inertia.'

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'The beef has been genetically modified to make it taste like a more expensive cut.'

I wish I'd had the review.

"And would you like flies with that?"

"I'll have the spaghetti, does that come on toast?"

'Do you want me to get the fish bone out, or not?'

'Hey, pal... do you have a wine that tastes like beer?'

"Everything is dandy--and our intestinal biomes are joyous."

Don't go out in the rain without an umbrella....was probably not 'his idea' of a tip, dear!'

'Hi, I'm Bob and I'll be your waiter ... and this is my wife, Susan, and her two children from a former marriage, Jimmy and Cindy.'

Why Do Old Hippies Smile?

Prawn Cocktail Please

'This fortune cookie says 'buy oriental tea futures'...'