Retaliatory Strategist Pillows

Reprisals!

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Delegating authority is good. Delegating blame is better."

'That large, rolled up newspaper is a reminder - mess up in this office and you'll pay the price.'

'And as my chart clearly shows, I don't know anything.'

"We offer a generous flex time policy - you can work your 90 hours per week any way you'd like."

'My door is always open. That's why I installed a tripwire.'

'Did you clear this through Legal first?'

Under new blame.

"The bad news is we've fired 80% of your office. The good news is we're fixing the coffee machine."

"Honestly, John, I'm not angry! I was going to suggest you give up driving even before you hit my car in the parking lot!"

'I knew this was a bad place to work when I saw that they call the company handbook 'the Owner's Manual.''

Coronavirus Windmills

"Our long-term plan is like our short-term plan, only longer."

"What are you going to do to make sure you reach this year's financial goals?"

"I say we downsize the company to the five of us and see if we can isolate the problem then."

What Business People often say (and what they really mean)

"Try unplugging it and throwing it out the window."

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I still say there are better ways to decide which positions to eliminate!'

The Contrarian funds

'I'll place the bets. You just be sure to hit the hare with the tranquilizer.'

'Yes, it's easy to make a mistake in a conduct dismissal, Bob. But as mistakes go this is a big one.'

'It's true. There was a coup.'

"Phizby, your can't do attitude has really cut down on screw-ups around here. Keep up the good work!"

'Our company needs a tougher image. So from here on out we'll answer the phone with the greeting, 'what the hell do you want?!'

'Look at him with another business model on his arm.'

The Jerry Scarer

"Take this mission statement and rewrite it so that it sounds like we care about our customers."

'Now here's my idea...we come up with a really high-priced drug to treat drug side effects...'

'The Board's meeting at nine O'clock - you bring the smoke, I'll bring the mirrors.'

"I guess the point I'm trying to make is, calling the committee on Progress and Evolution a bunch of know-it-all nincompoops might have felt good when you said it, but..."

'I've decided to make you someone else's problem.'

'Remember, son, when the going gets tough, bail out!'