Retail Survivor T-Shirts

The Store That's All Closed-Up

Property Taxes.

You know retail is in a bad way when...

'And the quality of your merchandise has really gone downhill.'

'And what seems to be wrong with the sprayer, sir?'

"Get a move on, my tranquillizer is wearing off!"

"The only reason I don't punch him in the nose is because I'm a much bigger man."

Black Friday - the day the retailer is crucified

"It was terrifying experience being faced with that kind of compulsive, insane behaviour...I tell you it's positively the last time I put foot in the sales!"

Mother threatening to gag her baby.

"I know I should have gotten a cart, but I can't give up now."

Where there's a Mall--There's a Way.

'The difference between the sexes...First Contact...'

"Dear, you are Definitely coming back as a centipede."

'Hold my purse. I'm going in only to complain.'

"Returns"

"Ooh look, the high street's evolved to survive!"

Brick and Mortar

Sold It All.

"All in favor of changing out name from '17th Federal Savings & Loan' to 'Still Here Bank'..."

"What's wrong with you? This isn't what I want! Do you know what you're doing? Can you get me a smarter clerk?"

'I'll have what's left of my people get in touch with what's left of your people.'

Supermarket 'Men, temporary lobotomy patch'

Shopping Torture

Crazy Ed's Warehouse - body in freezer - "Nobody beats our prices and gets away with it."

Customer Service - I don't know and I don't care.

SAGE (unknown model)

"Any chance of some credit?"

Welcome to the real world. What just happened? Where am I? The Mall. The Mall. We've been shopping – in person. Not the kind of shopping where you order things on your phone and have them sent to your house. this is the jungle! And you didn't last five minutes! You were laid out by some geezer hustling to the grocery section to get a special deal on prune juice! E-commerce has made you soft! I've got a scratch on my iPhone.

'Dried meat, survival set, folding spade... okay. Now I'm ready to go shopping with you.'

"While we do appreciate your diligence... It's not the store's policy to shoot shoplifters!"

'I just asked if you were finding everything alright. I never said I worked here.'

Till malfunction

"I balance my manic compulsive buying with manic buyer's remorse."

"I'm addicted to online shoppin. It's so bad that I have a hallway full of unopened parcels."