Resume Writing Enthusiast T-Shirts

'Your resume looks good, except for the part about being a fugitive from a chain gang.'

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

'Your resume is impressive, but next time try to shorten it from 100 pages to one.'

JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS HERE!, ''Trustworthy, friendly, loyal, helpful, kind, courteous, brave, thrifty, obedient and cheerful' -- This is going to look GREAT on my resume!'

'I'll blurb you if you'll blurb me.'

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Personnel. Any experience in crisis management? No...Just production.

Job Interview Gone Bad.

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

'What I did on my summer vacation: I wrote about what I had done the rest of the year.'

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

What must every 5 paragraph essay contain? 5 paragraphs! For the last 18 years, some wise guy says that as if no one's heard it before. Congratulations. Who was this year's Mr. Predictable? You're wrong, Mr. K. A girl said it. Wow! Another triumph for women's equality in my classroom.

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

Tweaking the CV.

"If I had known this was such a great place to work I would have lied more on my resume."

'Can you debunk my essay?'

"Very impressive resume, however you didn't explain why you were tagged and released from your last job."

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"We were looking for somebody with experience in mumbo-jumbo but your resume is mainly about gobbledegook."

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

"I'll have to get someone younger to look at your résumé. I'm not fluent in emoji."

'Have you got a resume?'

Bleh! What's up, little man? I can't figure out how to start my essay on integrity and honesty. Oh yeah. I once wrote one of those. Excellent. Can I use yours? Honestly?

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"I can see here on your résumé that you’d like my job ..."

It's college orientation time. The brain cell is attending an elite academic university, and the hormones and endorphins are going to party schools. The muscle cell earned an athletic scholarship. And it looks like the DNA molecule has already picked a major. The DNA has life planned out. It's chemically active down there. The individual atoms are excited, but also seem a bit sad. Of course! Going off to college is an emotional time for them. Old bonds are breaking and new ones are bein

"The narrative seems contrived."

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

"No wonder you can't write, you're not plugged in!"