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"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"That's nice, but do you have any references other than your Mom?"

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

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"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

'The secret of getting a good job that fits you perfectly is letting yourself in on what that really is!'

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I just Googled you and found out your resume is fake!"

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

Babies

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"