Resume Wranglers Pillows

"Can I put in a claim for interview trauma compensation?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"It's made entirely out of rejected resumes."

"Where would you see yourself in five years' time?"

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

'Your resume and interview were so bad, not only did you not get the job, I'm having you arrested as well.'

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"You say you’re currently holding down 3 jobs...very impressive."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Bureau to cut back on bureaucratic paperwork...

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"Why do small children ask so many questions?" "Why not? We need to learn, don’t we? Anyway it’s no big deal is it? Isn’t that what parents are for? You were probably the same, weren’t you? So why complain?"

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

"I plan on keeping this off my resume!"

"I know you used to be our paperboy. That's why when you leave, you'll find your resume on the roof."

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'...the job is so much harder when you don't know what you are doing.'

"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

'Frankly, we're looking for someone very much unlike you.'

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

Babies

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"I just Googled you and found out your resume is fake!"

'The secret of getting a good job that fits you perfectly is letting yourself in on what that really is!'

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

'The trouble is not with your set -- the station just got hit with a new batch of politically correct Federal regulations.'