Resume Revolutionary Pillows

'I have never seen a resume prepared in pastels and oil paint. How long have you been unemployed?'

"This your resumé?" "Yes, it's a list of things I hope you never ask me to do."

"This resumé has the kind of sizzle we're looking for."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

I think you'll appreciate my resume. It's printed on a fridge magnet.

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

'The grammar's awful and the spelling's atrocious - otherwise it's an impressive CV.'

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"Would you like something you're under qualified for, or something you're overqualified for?"

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

"These are excellent qualifications... so good that our largest competitor would gladly pay you twice as much."

Opp'y of a Lifetime

"I've never seen a resume that's entirely made up of emojis. Let me take a few moments to decode it."

"It says here you can think on your feet. What happens when you sit down?"

'Qualifications aside, Mr Thumb, this is the cutest resume I've ever seen.'

'It says here you can talk trash in five languages.'

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"I'm fascinated by your résumé, particularly the advertising supplement."

"Your curriculum vitae is extremely detailed, isn't it? I don't quite know what to make of the fact that your third-grade teacher, Miss Hartley, made you stand in the corner for throwing an eraser although another kid did it."

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

"I think you left something of your resumé... writer of fiction!"

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

"You have excellent academic credentials and a wonderful work history but we try not to profile people."

"You say in your resume that you're very meticulous."

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

'My next song is a little ditty about why I don't have any references,'

'I see that you have a B.A. degree in collating and stapling. Your parents must be very proud.'

'Nice, I can see you've taken Day-School classes to further your education...'

One after another