Resume Revamp Crusader Pillows

'Don't worry. . . I'll keep your resume on file.'

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

"I'm sorry, Ms. Cole is busy balancing family and career. Can I take a message and have her call you back?"

"I find it so stimulating to learn new software."

Caged Businessman

"That's the last time I write my own resume!"

"We thought this was more realistic."

One of the failed candidates for the copyrighters job wants to know 'wat was rong with his applicashun'.

"It's translated from French, so where it says 'Harvard Business School' it may mean 'jail.'"

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

'I like the part of your resume where you didn't ask for a raise for 10 years.'

'I'm working because I've been upgraded. He never upgraded so he's out of work.'

I love being right.

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Congratulations! And please give your parents this receipt for $148 thousand.'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

Laid off from a dot-com? Ask about our resume-writing software.

'This is going really well. I did a great job organizing this lecture.'

PERSONNEL, 'Any awards or honors OTHER than being the valedictorian of your remedial class?'

Kate's first task as new principal was to right a number of wrongs.

"References? Well, I just got six references from the guys in your waiting room."

'My thanks go first to the Nobel Committee for this great honor, and to my son who encouraged me to keep my mind agile with word games, and puzzles.'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

'Let me start by saying I wish I had your imagination...'

'Of course, it's your business, but I wouldn't ever start a resume with 'Once upon a time in a land far far away!''

"I've got some skills - I'm just not sure they add up to a 'set.'"

'Nice, I can see you've taken Day-School classes to further your education...'

'Don't disturb your father for an hour he's busy doing the Five minute crossword.'

'I'll stop saying you've changed jobs too many times if you'll stop giving me notice.'

"No, I'm sorry, we're looking for special people."

'My tutor kindly agreed to help!'

'And this model has plenty of space for all your electronics and a landing pad for your drone.'

"Sorry, but you're overqualified."

'We have an opening for a receptionist and a sales person and I'm ready to quit. How are you at multitasking?'