Resume Refiner T-Shirts

"Any other educational experience other than watching every episode of Sesame Street?"

"It's a heck of a tale...and well told, but we don't publish resumes."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

Your resume begins Once Upon A Time...I like that!

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

"But what you call a track record I call ancient history."

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"If I'd known you were not looking for experience I wouldn't have lied on my CV."

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

"Your former employer said you demonstrated a remarkable amount of 'get up and go'...especially when you were fired."

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

'The candidate must be decisive and independently minded.' - 'Would I describe myself as 'decisive and independently minded'?' - 'Would you describe me as 'decisive and independently minded'?'

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

'My resume,...in rap form!'

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

"You've been working out of your parent's basement since 1993?"

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

Your performance since you came here suggests you may have lied on your resume.

"Head of Sales, VP of Marketing, and an endangeres species....Wow. I'm impressed..."

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

"When did you say you left school?"

'Of course, it's your business, but I wouldn't ever start a resume with 'Once upon a time in a land far far away!''

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'We're looking for someone who either has a good background or can concoct a good story about one.'