Resume Novelist T-Shirts

"May I ask why you have 'inspired by true events' on the top of your resume?"

I should be a writer when I grow up...

For his next book, he would write an epic novel of the sea.

"So, tell me a little bit more about this house training you mention on your CV."

"When I grow up, I'm writing the Great American App."

"You're going to hate yourself."

"Bah, I could've written a better dénouement in my sleep."

"Meet The Author"

Victor Hugo

"He's having a hard time finding work."

"So, I see you have a background in advertising..."

The DaVinci Code

"Russ had a novel published two hours ago and has a children's book coming out in 20 minutes."

"I was going to chuck it all and go to Paris but I didn't have enough frequent-flier miles."

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

Reading my Critics

Something Wilted This Way Comes.

Kid in time-out writes 'it was the best of time out...'

"No writers were harmed or mistreated in the preparation of this story."

Honoré de Balzac

Jean-Paul Sartre

Bank Loan Dept. Personal Business. Uh-oh, some loans have gone bad! A tennis pro defaulted and a novelist is in Chapter 7. The bed linens company folded and the scuba school went under! Are any of our loans still good? Yeah, the music streaming service is totally sound! And ironically, the lighting company is in the black!

'The C minus was sufficient. I didn't need the advice against hiring a literary agent.'

The Quack Quack Diaries: Quack Quack Writes A Novel

John Bunyan

"It turns out everyone here is self-published."

"So the white whale was really just a metaphor for your mother's lack of affection?"

'I have a best selling novel on the tip of my tongue...'

"I know its hard to believe right now, Lawrence, but some day you'll thank me for asking you to punctuate your sentences correctly."

"I try to write a little bit every day."

Duke of Clarence (Later William IV) Promenading with Family

Murder in Apartment 6-K

'Dad's bedtime story was decent, but the special effects were non-existent.'

"Author does not do tricks."

Iris Murdoch