Resume Collector T-Shirts

"Do you have any other strengths?"

"Your resume states you spent four years as a hostage. May we have permission to contact your captors?"

"He's having a hard time finding work."

'Very impressive educational background...now let's discuss WHO you know.!

Man packing suitcase with French vocabulary

"I see by your resume this would be your first time in a symbiotic relationship."

'Your decade of experience is, unfortunately, from the wrong decade.'

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"I see by your resume that you're having trouble finding work because you pad your resume."

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

'Alright, throw in your resume and the 'Get A Job' potion will be complete.'

Fruit Fly Job Interviews

"Everything looks real good...except these long gaps in your work history every winter."

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"How would I explain the 'D' in debate class? Probably not very well."

'I didn't have time to prepare a resume.'

'I see you have extensive experience eating, sleeping, and mating. That puts you two steps ahead of all the college graduates who have applied.'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

'Next time you want to cheat and use someone else's resume, I suggest you do more than scratch out his name and put yours above it.'

'Maybe we should have been a bit more specific in the ad...'

How do you fell about buying your own health insurance?

'... No, you're not on the short list. You're not even on the long list.'

'Is that the extent of your work experience, court ordered community service?'

'Miss Peterson will be with you as soon as she goes through a few other resumes.'

"I enjoyed your resume, young man - especially the hand-written addendum from your mom."

Your resume is only 8 words long! You're hired!

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

'Your resume is certainly impressive, Mr. Simmons, but do you have any on the job experience?'

'We heat the entire building by burning resumes.'

'Very impressive. Do you have any post-kindergarten education?'

"Where would you say you are on the confidence/cockiness spectrum?"

Personnel Manager to applicant: 'Your resume and references are excellent, but your hair is too silly.'

"It's a pretty good resume, but I would have like to see more bells and whistles."

"Head of Sales, VP of Marketing, and an endangeres species....Wow. I'm impressed..."

"I've been an accountant, an actuary, an advertising exec, an administrator, an architect, an art director, and an auditor, and now I'd like to move on to the B's."