Restauranteur T-Shirts

"We're sort of open."

'There's a fly in my soup.' - 'And a maggot in my steak tartare.'

"How do you keep a bagel from getting away?"

"I reckon he's flogging a dead horse there."

"I think I'll just leave a hate tip."

"I've combined a laxative and alphabet soup. I call it 'Letter Rip!'"

"Of course it's a rubber duck. What did you expect? After all this is a vegetarian restaurant!"

Happy Hour at Harry's

"See? I told you my fish was undercooked!"

'Your pizza will be out in a few minutes. Tony's looking for a ladder to get it off the ceiling.'

Restaurant deciding whether to cater or not to cater.

"Who had the Lumberjack fruit cup?"

"I think I'll pass on the 'Seafood Surprise.'"

"But I don't remember ordering any blackout cake."

"Last night I dreamt I was in a fancy french restaurant and everyone was very glad to see me."

"It's right here… Nov. 29th, 1981, at Elaine's… twelve percent."

"Is the vodka fresh?"

"It's macaroni. We all it pasta as a marketing ploy."

"What beautiful asparagus!"

"Two eggs, any style? My mind is reeling."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

"And I'll also take my steak raw thank you."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And the cheese in your omelette? Cheddar, Brie, aged Gouda, Morbier, Torta del Casar, Double Gloucester, Époisses, Shropshire blue, or American?"

"Even the waiters here are organic."

'Your French dip, sir.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'A cheeky red?'