Restaurant Reveler T-Shirts

'But this can't be what I ordered ... I know I ordered somethng I like.'

"Fresh sprinkles for your ice cream?"

"Armed or unarmed?"

When alcohol and gimmicky restaurants collide.

'Maybe I am thick, but I can't understand a woman who gives up her diet for Lent.'

You ARE entitled to return a meal...But NOT after you've eaten it!!

"Hang on hon. A table with a more expensive tab needs me."

"Trust me, Lew, if anyone knows where the salmon are jumping, she does!"

Adhesive Tiles: Do Not Open from this End.

Theorbo

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

Joust Sharpener

"He took eight shots on the 19th hole!"

"You ordered the organic, unprocessed, whole wheat spaghetti?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

"I say we move on to dessert."

"Hendrickje, I feel another self-portrait coming on. Bring in the funny hats."

"No. I wouldn't 'like to see the cheese menu'. And I don't appreciate the stereotyping!"

"What, exactly, did you say to the maître d'?"

Contestants defeated in the ring toss competition head back to the hotel to recharge for a late night nude hot tub partying and 'bootie shakin' erotic cage fetish dancing.

Vitruvian Manatee

Nuclear Fusion Reactor - Our Founder.

Galileo drops ball from Pisa and it goes up.

'Well the GOOD news is that the new software analyzed hundreds of thousands of potential customers to identify any that would have a genuine interest in the product...'

My own museum.

"200,000 other people have also highlighted this passage of the E-book, you common idiot."

Paterfamilias prefers his own bedroom (which the whitewashers have just left) to the discomfort of an hotel.

'You haven't changed a bit Perkins.'

"I didn't think you'd make it through biology."

Building getting a new coat fitted

'One second - wo seconds - three seconds - four seconds -one hour...'

'Don't worry - I've found The Cure.'

Two inebriated friends meet, one says: 'Hello, I've not seen you since you were this high.'

The ghost of christmas regifting

"Let me see if I have it correctly, sir. To hell with the appetizer. A chopped sirloin that damn well better be rare. No goddam relish tray. Who cares which salad dressing, since they all taste like sludge?"