Restaurant Reality Checks T-Shirts

'We're sorry sir, but our kitchen is out-sourced and takes a little longer.'

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

'A cheeky red?'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

La Table

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

'We don't 'skimp' on the pour, sir; we're just generous with the glass.'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'