Restaurant Reality Check T-Shirts

'I'll be back to take your order as soon as I've eaten.'

"Cheers! Well, this is exciting. I've never had a dinner date with a duck before." "Relax, honey. I'm just here for the bread."

Cloud Cuckoo Land, Hamburger bar, "I don't like the look of this Charlie"

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

"Waitress, have you smoked salmon..?"

"I love this place—its food, its ambience, and its political goals."

'I'll have the crab cake, and he'll have the crabby cake.'

'Well, now that I know he's the owner's son, yes, he's the best damned wine steward I've ever seen.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

'I couldn't stand the heat, so I got out of the kitchen.'

"The chef is going to need more than just your ‘compliments’ tonight … he’s in one of his moods."

'A cheeky red?'

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

'Sorry sir, we've run out of parmesan cheese.'

"The fish sticks here are very good."

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

'I want to make a positive environmental statement - What do you suggest I order?'

La Table

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

'Of course you're very dear to me - that meal just cost a fortune.'

'It's the chef's special. His wife just had a baby.'

Kung food restaurant (Waiter flies through the air bringing the food).

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

'If this is tea, I'll have a coffee. If it's a coffee, I'll have a tea!'

'Before I order breakfast, which way is it to the 'International Bathroom of Pancakes'?'

"Are your eel rolls electric?"

Restaurant Francais: All you can pronounce £30.

Self Service Restaurant: 'Where do you keep the eggs?'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Sorry, but we're going out for dinner.'

As you like it - 'Waiter, chicken with watercress please' 'I'm sorry sir we haven't any chicken left ... but if you wish I bring you a larger portion of watercress...'

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

"Yes I know, and you dropped sauce on your shirt."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

"Oh, look- French! Let's try it."