Restaurant Historian T-Shirts

'You complimented the chef on his dumplings -now he wishes to return the compliments!'

"Waiter! Two of your finest menus!"

"You say your crème needs more Brulée?"

'Wait until you taste the artisanal water. It's not to be believed.'

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

"The lobster dinner is thirty eight dollars, or for ten dollars extra you can have him returned to the sea."

Grand Escargot at a Parisian Eatery.

"Have you decided on what you'd like to have?"

"That table is yours once that party decides to move to the suburbs."

Advanced footsie

Grandma's caf

'I was in the catering corps.'

The Velvet Mesquite

Crossing the Nachos Grande

"What kind of biscuits are they?"

"When I was young, we personally prepared all the food for each and every meal!"

"I can't even remember what we were fighting about."

"I'm very health conscious. I only eat animals that are vegetarians"

'Whatever he's eating.'

"....and hold the garlic."

"One spaghetti, and two straws please."

'Enjoy your meal - but be warned we have a very bad tempered chef.'

Platter confusion.

Waiter: 'I'm not really a waiter, I'm an actor. I'll act like I'm waiting on you.'

"Our cook caught today's special. What makes it so special is that we have no idea what it is. We're coping it's edible."

"Nothing is organic, local or sustainable. Now, can we get started?"

"How did I find my lamb chop? Well, I lifted up a roast potato and there it was."

'Good thing you ordered a double portion.'

Biliard Enthusiast

'Hey, I told you this place wasn't easy to get into.'

'You forgot your glasses again, didn't you?'

'It appears to be a kosher for Passover recipe.'

"Veal or non-veal?"

"Who is having the 4 bean salad? Half portion?"

'If Darwin had been the cook on the Beagle' 'Menu- its Evolution'.