Restaurant Fan Prints

"If you want fiber, madame, I suggest you eat the menu."

"The menu just says fried fish, but may I give you a more compelling, surprisingly lyrical description?"

Big Tex Silver Saddle Restaurant advertises 'BBQ, $10, Chatter in a Vanishing Regional Dialect $1.00 Extra.'

"I can't give you a prescription for milk and cookies."

'Now that's what I call a kebab... a skewer with whole pies!'

"Two burgers, two fries, two martinis—and we'll have those to go."

'Yes, I am impressed at how fast you got here, but where's my pizza?'

'I made your favorite for dinner — pterodactyl nuggets!'

"What did Jesus order?"

'When the doctor told you to warm up before exercising, I don't think he meant with hot chocolate and hot cross buns.'

Tuna Salad, Meat Loaf, Cheese Omelet and Bean Soup

"How about a little more coffee?"

The proper term for our special promotion is Triple Cheeseburger with a Gazillion fries...not the triple bypass special!

'It's supposed to look and smell greasy.'

"Is the garbage fresh?"

The miracle of 2-for-1 pizza.

'The two-pounds-burger menu includes chips, a large drink and an arteriosclerosis treatment.'

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

Supermarket Aisles: 'Good for the Environment' and 'Couldn't give a flying F@$#! about the environment!'

'You'll love this, it has no nutritional value.'

Now all meals contain 'Enzymate' for fast digestion.'

Sisyphus Pizza

"....and some apple pie for dessert...oh miss, remember that a la mode!"

"You know, it really wasn’t that bad."

"Now that everyone's in...how do we get the food?"

'I didn't have time to hunt'

That's my boss for you - a platitude with an attitude.

"My brain said, exercise....my tummy auto-corrected that to, extra-fries!"

'Sorry about that - Lenny accidentally used jumping beans.'

"You know they're trying too hard when the chef's special is Corn Dogs Bordelaise."

'I wasn't going to eat him, but then he tripped right in front of me.'

'Diet? Yeah I'm on a prop's diet...pies,chips,burgers and coke!'