Restaurant Critic In Training Mugs

'It's not nouvelle cuisine, Monsieur. You've ordered from the children's menu.'

'Table cloth is filthy.' 'We've been open since 1976.'

"I wanted to make sure you were both happy enough with your life to withstand a major setback with your food."

'Meatloaf comes with.' 'Two nurses and a stomach pump.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"And which regional cuisine would you be interested in this evening—Northwester, Southwestern, Southeastern, or Northeastern?"

"The fish sticks here are very good."

"War is hell and so is this soup."

'Er . . . and a fork for me...'

'I'll have you know sir, that we used the finest columbian coffee beans in that dishwater.'

'Strained carrots again! What am I being punished for this time?'

"How fresh is the calamari?"

Your lobster was off!

"Do you want to be vaguely dissatisfied with Italian or Korean?"

Dog Dressed to Eat

"I've never heard of it, either, but nothing ventured, nothing gained, I always say!"

'He doesn't ask for a menu... he asks for an estimate!'

'It's my favorite.'

"I like to sit facing the room to see if anyone seated after us gets served before us."

'You're lucky there, Sir. That's the last one in the world.'

"The soup of the day is pineapple with a hint of rum."

'Wine, high octane grape juice.'

'Strong curry for two and a fire-extinguisher.'

"For dessert, absolutely no flambé!"

"Your meal sounded nice."

"Hey, …. what's not to like?"

"We'll start with the appetizer, move on to the entree, and then finish up with dessert."

"All dishes marked with an asterisk are served with sarcasm. . ."

'Okay mum, I'll eat it all up. But I doubt I'll grow big and strong on this muck!'

"Waiter, this is the worst meal I've ever tasted. And believe me, I've eaten some crap!"

"The prices they charge here, you'd expect them to have an oven not just a gas ring!"

"I think we'll pass up the Château Mouton-Rothschild '34."

"Would you like to see the markup?"

Seafood: "Of course our food is fresh."

"Can I interest you in a great white?"