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Top Ten New Year's Resolutions

The Ten Resolutions

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

"It's all a matter of planning...."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

Make your resolutions achievable.

"I hate this time of year."

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

'Have you figured out our New Year's resolution?'

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

'My whole family made New Year's resolutions. Dad's eating more fruit, Mom's eating more vegetables, and I'm eating more cake.'

Fat lady standing on a weighing machine. Its print out says 'I Quit!'.

"Brian, isn't Dry January and Veganuary enough?!!"

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

Dear Diary...Resolutions

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."

'At midnight we want to move to the non-smoking section so my husband can keep his New Year's resolution.'

D I E T F We said we'd stick together this time, but we really knew it would only last a day or two.

Wild Animal Park. How are the animals doing with their new year's resolutions? Good! The gazelle is trying to slow down and enjoy life, and the sloth is exercising more! What's the goat's resolution? To be more careful about what he eats? No, he just wants to spend more time with the kids this year. I heard the doe made a resolution to save some money. You misunderstood, Ernie. She didn't make any resolutions for herself. Her goal this year is to convince the male members of her specie

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

Who am I kidding?

'My Ed is a lawyer. All of his New Year's resolutions have escape clauses.'

'Eat. Sleep all winter. These are your resolutions?'

"This year I'm going to lose weight!"