Resolution Philosopher T-Shirts

"New Year's resolutions are sort of like politicians' campaign promises - non binding."

"This could be the year someone actually goes up there."

This is a great game --- All except for that blimp. It keeps reminding me I've already broken my diet resolution. Pizza. Chips.

"It's all a matter of planning...."

"This year I resolve to embrace change."

"My New Year's resolution is to lose thirty-eight thousand pounds."

"I'm trying to gain 10 pounds before midnight so I can keep my resolution to lose 10 pounds next year."

'I'm writing my New Year's resolutions.' - 'I resolve to finish everything that I start.'

This year, Barry resolved to try new things and take more chances - starting tomorrow.

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

"New Year's resolutions are fine, but we should really focus on squad goals."

Remember how I came in on December 31st and ordered a lardo-size fudgsicle sugarbomb mocha with butter sprinkles? Well, give me another one of those. Since it's something I originally had last year, it'll be like I had this one last year too. So it won't violate my New Year's resolution. The ancient art of Time-Shift-Fu. I'm a tenth level grand master. I studied under Moe Yin, the master who created "it's not really 'cheating' if it's with an ex."

'New Years Resolutions, paragraph 45, clause iv in which we will attempt to clarify the term 'butter buttocks'.'

A problem is opportunity in working clothes.

"My new year's resolution. . . .Not to drink out of the toilet."

"I don't have time for New Year's resolutions, I'm still working on the backlog from 1998-2000."

Dear Diary...Resolutions

'I can't read my New Year's resolutions -- I must have spilled beer on them last night.'

"My primary challenge is to strip away the hardened carapace of societal expectations..."

"Well, last year I kicked gambling. . . the odds are 3 to 1 the New Year will be a good one."

"Your New Years resolution was to give up the grog!"

Wild Animal Park. How are the animals doing with their new year's resolutions? Good! The gazelle is trying to slow down and enjoy life, and the sloth is exercising more! What's the goat's resolution? To be more careful about what he eats? No, he just wants to spend more time with the kids this year. I heard the doe made a resolution to save some money. You misunderstood, Ernie. She didn't make any resolutions for herself. Her goal this year is to convince the male members of her specie

"We're cutting back on therapy. You?"

"Those image resolutions are crystal clear, but it's my New Year's resolutions that are getting pretty fuzzy."

D I E T F We said we'd stick together this time, but we really knew it would only last a day or two.

Who am I kidding?

Road repair crew in denial ('Personally, I don't see a problem here.')

'Honestly you could drive a 'coach and horses' through this document, there's no definition of 'weight loss', no time frame, no sanctions.'

"This year I'm going to lose weight!"

How much for rock-hard abs? $200 for a basic six-pack, includes high-intensity training sessions. Lemme think about it. I'll be here. What's going on? The new year's resolutions are trickling in. You're working as a physical trainer now? I got into resolution outsourcing. What? People pay me to fulfill their resolutions. They vow to get in shape, or stop procrastinating, or be more honest about their feelings. I take on the task and then they check it off their list. I know what you're thinking

"I'm starting my diet today."

My New Year's resolution? To come up with some resolutions for the year after next.

New Year's Resolution - stop smoking.

"Planning a few changed for the new year?"

"If I were you, I'd put a new hairstyle way way down your list of New Year's Resolutions."