Reputation Fixer Prints

"After all the trouble I've been in lately, I decided to hire a PR firm to repair my image."

Airline Debts: Layoffs to help us stay afloat.

'I am willing to concede that the company has been underperforming of late...'

'Come on, you can make it work! You're supposed to be Lovebirds after all...'

"I don't know who you are!"

Waiting for Pants

'Incredibly Inexpensive Sound Engineers. Pretty Good Sound Engineers, 12 the price, 23 the quality. You'll hardly notice the occasional feedback.'

"I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp." "Really?" "Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that?" "They post 'reviews' that don't have even a hint of negativity." "Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: 'House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate.'"

"Sinclair's not all he's cracked up to be. His reputation exceeds him."

'Still workin' on the beard, Jerry?'

Delivering red ink to the Berueu of Management and Budget.

Sportswasher's

"We probably need to rethink our revenue strategy for the practice."

MD - Cosmetic Surgery and Investment Portfolio Makeovers.

"It got so bad that had to bring Jones in to turn things around."

"Post-holiday dieting will be much easier this year. Our disposable cash flow will be diverted."

'Of course we can fix your sweater but we'll have to contact the sheep to match the wool!'

'Let me tell you why I'm here...'

"There's no point in our being friends if you won't let me fix you."

"Well there it is in black and white gentlemen, we're in the red."

'My wife doesn't understand me.'

You can have your privacy back, as soon as I've finished showing it to everyone

"Get back here and clean out your desk."

It's too hard to clean my closet. Take out everything. Throw them into "keep", "donate" or "toss" boxes. Ok. Done!

A woman repairs a broken heart.

"Unfortunately your Twitter has been hacked. Fortunately it has been hacked by someone much cooler and funnier than you."

Son? We need to talk about inappropriate life choices. I was joking. I'm not going to be an investment banker. Great! I'd hate to see you waste your talents. There are plenty of other jobs. Like the fixer who disappears famous athletes' awkward e-mails. You'll always be employed.

"I'd like to get something for my wife. Do you have any olive branches?"

"They call you Abominable and me a monster, and they don't even know us."

"For financial reasons we're selling this brick and mortar home and becoming an online family."

Man looks for wife help from machine.

"It's time to break up the company!!"

"You can't leave! I haven't had dinner yet!"

"Our marriage has been experiencing a spot of turbulence lately."

'That's your solution to everything, isn't it? Throw a bucket of glitter over it.'