Reproductive Humorists Pillows

"I'm thinking about freezing my eggs."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

"Just keep quiet and listen to what we have to say."

'Are you pregnant? How do you know? You look terrible!'

"I'd better enjoy this while I can. It's the only home I'll own without a mortgage!"

"The yellow spotted green bird, eats its body weight in bugs, and mates once every three years."

'...honestly I just feel like we don't communicate like we used to!'

Push Push Push: sign on maternity ward doors.

"Happy anniversary, dear… 'happy wife, happy life!'" "That's because nothing rhymes with 'happy husband.'"

'The cool thing about being a kangaroo is that I can actually watch my baby grow...'

"Just a minute, Mister. You're not going out of here looking like that."

'Your wife says you act like a fool. I thought you said she never pays attention to you.'

'Well, that's just great...you can part the Red Sea, but you can't open a jar of pickles for me!'

'Either you do or you don't - there isn't any 'cooling-off' period!'

"Mum's biological clock is ticking away...OOPS!...my mistake. That's indigestion."

"I see marriage as a verb, he sees it as a triathlon."

Odysseus starts regretting his return to Ithaca.

"Do you think someday we'll look back on this and laugh?"

Pregnant Woman - "I think it's coming gift-wrapped."

"Only 150 kids? - Have you considered fertility treatment?"

'It's true that my wife does forgive and forget - the trouble is that she never forgets what she's forgiven...'

"You might want to save that for your blog."

'Doris,do you realize you are destroying a perfectly happy marriage?'

'Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?.. Are we there yet?..'

'Honestly, Harry. It's getting so I can't tell your scratching from the cat's.'

'When will I start to look 'radiant and blooming'?'

'Breastfeeding twins doesn't sound that hard to me...'

"Oh, my husband is a great provider: his hunting success rate is close to 30%..."

"You call that worrying?"

'You're three o'clock cancelled, the Parson deal is ending, and your husband wants to know if the dishes are dirty or clean.'