Reporting Ace T-Shirts

"I have bad news, but it's in bullet points!"

"And need I remind you, the 'art of the deal' is the lifeblood of this company."

Lethal Presentation

"Mom probably wouldn't buy us one, but you have to learn to make your own choices, Dad."

'What a CV - if you can write memos like this you'll go far in our organisation.'

Failure/Due Diligence

"Your CV will be sufficient, Mr. Cooper."

It's an autobiography of a guy who spent his whole life trying to get his first @#^& book published. Editor.

STRIP Hambone: Computer company job interview

"You inhabit the body of someone who has an impressive résumé."

"I'm being heavily recruited by several other companies."

'This scholarship application is great. You must have received an A in creative writing.'

"Are all these letters of recommendation from your mother?"

'I think and work spectacularly well either inside or outside the box.'

"I'm a great ... umm... like ... umm... like... umm ... communicator."

"Well, your CV certainly contains some very impressive name dropping."

"After reviewing your resume, I don't think you should be teaching English - I think you should be study English."

"This is a fast-paced job you're applying for...what are your goals...where do you see yourself in the next 10 minutes?"

Your resume says you were a waiter...

'In a sentence or two, Gibbs.'

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

"I can work for twelve straight hours without needing to be recharged."

When Managers have a Four Seasons pizza.

"My word, this really is impressive! Lots of people have a personal trainer but a personal wine advisor, wow!"

'Watch what you admit to. He once tried to fine one of my clients for looking a gift horse in the mouth.'

'Okay... now everyone smile and say: 'that;s not deductible'.'

"And that is how you handle liver!"

"These references are excellent Mr. Canning. But do you have any from someone other than your mother?"

"I'm trying to find a way to balance your strengths against your felonies."

"And the hiring committee was very impressed with your no nonsense attitude during the interview."

'The really scary part is that he is the new head of human resources.'

Temp Employment Agency. Ah, I see that you have a short attention span.

"I just audited our books. Your register came up five cents short, Rudy."

Branch Manager Interviews: "Who's next?"

"Any other strengths?"