Remote Control Referee Pillows

'I don't mind you being on the furniture, but go for the remote one more time...'

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"Break his third chakra!" "Knock the dharma out of him!"

'Wow, the field really is a frozen tundra!'

'Yes, Jenny, I know I'm always reminding the team to be good sports, but you really don't have to thank the ref after every call.'

TV-Man

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

United Football Club: In, Out, VAR.

'well, Fred, I see you're finally embracing technology.'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

"Actually, Burt's weathering the stay-at-home thing pretty well."

"You may inflict pain, but it mustn't be severe or prolonged."

"With the prices they charge these days I can't afford to throw a pie or can off beer at the ref."

'...However, he is such a heck of a nice guy, we're going to give him the touchdown anyway.'

'Sean Connery was the best James Bond!'

But does he dust anything at our home? Noooo

'I'd better make a note of your blood group...'

Woman watches football match played by a mug of tea, salt pot and ketchup bottle, she says to husband: 'Your explanation of the offside rule was spot on.'

'But he's supposed to tell everyone how much you weigh! '

"Well I didn't see the incident myself.."

'Good news from the field, sire! Attila did not like the referee's call, so he's folding up his tents, taking his ball and going home!'

'You haven't heard the best thing. . .no referees.'

Yeah, I've been driving in circles for an hour looking for a place to park. Zamboni.

'That was a flagrant misconduct of the left hand.'

Goalkeeper makes the wrong save.

Get back in that locker room! Go on - scat! ... Anyone else forget to wash his hands?'

Joey Barton's red card wins Premiership League for Manchester City.

Penguin Remote

Jocko, a man for all sports' seasons.

'Yes, your papers seem to have lots of citations, but I've checked: They're all self-citations...'

'This is not what I meant by a free kick.'

'Are referees black with white stripes or white with black stripes?'

'Upon further review, the pig did not have control of the ball prior to being eaten...'

'Now what?!'

'Are you blind ref?'