Reminiscent Storyteller Pillows

"That's a very nice hobby. My hobby is living."

Ghost School.

"But how do I accomplish that in 140 characters or less?"

"No, I don't want to live forever, but I damn sure don't want to be dead forever, either."

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Caveman to kid: 'There's more to life than what you read on cave walls.'

'If you want to see my resume, it's on my cave wall.'

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

Infographics: the early years.

Frontispiece to 'The Pickwick Papers'

Early man learns that by walking upright, his hands become free to do many useful things.

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

Old cold warriors home: 'By god, I'll tell you who was soft on communism. . .'

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

'Humph! When I was your age, I had to do my homework in front of a black and white.'

Every time I get a postcard from your brother, I regret that I carved him out of driftwood.

'I must admit, this family reunion hasn't really lived up to my expectations.'

"This house has been in my family for a considerable period of time."

"Chapter three: Homo erectus and the practical use of bones..."

"I think Simon’s been hit on the head one too many times."

"I'm the ghost of Christmas Tree Future, and honestly, it doesn't turn out well for you."

Old Man Journal

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."

Shakespearean Actor

"I've invented the fire extinguisher."

"Police dramas just aren't what they used to be."

'I still write all my novels longhand.'

Philip Kindred Dick

'He's not there at the moment so please leave a message.'

"Hurry, hurry! When you get back, we'll finish rehashing 1924 and get right on to 1925!"

"It was a long afternoon with granddad. I got five 'I remember whens' and three 'When I was your age...'."

Homer

"DOES YOUR DAD ALWAYS GO ON ABOUT SOME STUFF THAT DOESN'T GROW ON TREES."

Looking back, I should have said yes when Sophia Loren asked me to elope. Eventually, even hindsight isn't 20/20.

Mom's high school diary really cracked everyone up at Show and Tell.