Reluctant Self-help Listener T-Shirts

"You are what you choose to become..be happy, chill!"

"What do I do to relieve stress? I meditate, about not working here."

Annoying neighbours - irritating wind chimes

"I am not asking for directions."

"I’ve got to take this. It’s someone who isn’t obsessed with summer fun."

"I got tired of 'Moby-Dick' taunting me from my bookshelf, so I put it on my Kindle and haven't thought of it since."

'Thanks for the invitation, but I can never seem to find the energy to party...'

"Homework! Homework! Homework! I'll be doing this for hours! Talk about a misspent youth."

"We'll up your medication and with any luck your delusions should significantly reduce!"

Telling Self to Buzz Off

Desk boxes: 'In', 'Out', and 'What ever'.

Live, laugh, love

'Studies show that most boys my age don't like to read. Who am I to tamper with statistics?'

"When I hear the word mathematics I immediately think of three things. Boring and useless."

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

'I'm sorry I didn't come to work yesterday, sir -- somehow, it seemed like Sunday.'

"You're going to the Partner's Social whether you like it or not!"

"I have to write a book report for school. . . do you have any books with lots of pictures?"

Summer Reading

Man Readig Paper

'Who cares where Waldo is?'

'I couldn't decide what to wear to work so I just didn't go.'

'Does that include the fishing rod?'

'You were talking in your sleep again.'

"My physical therapist says this is the worst possible position you can lie in."

Falcon Reads Book On How To Train Falconer

The Imperfect Hostess

Publishing Co. Book Editor. How does a "do-it-yourself" book end up with six co-authors?

"For Christ's sake, Bob, tuck your shirt in."

"Frank's trying to outreach to people who only come to the library to use the washroom!"

"Say, Honey, I forgot to tell you that the Snootmyers called...they'll be over for drinks in twenty minutes!"

Things that don't spark joy

"I really should call my mother — I just don’t want to talk to her."

Armstrong, I've worked here for a long time and I think I deserve a raise. How about it? I'll give you an Indian Ocean raise, minion. How does an Indian Ocean raise of $2 an hour sound? Fun fact: The Indiana Ocean's on the opposite side of the world, so its "up" is our "down." I don't think that's how "up" works, boss. "Relativity" is just a theory.

"Baldo, I need you to take this out to the dumpster."