
"Excuse me, sir - do you have a minute to listen to the dream I had last night?"
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"Excuse me, sir - do you have a minute to listen to the dream I had last night?"
'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'
"How was I supposed to know that the apple was a controlled substance?"
"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."
A surprise in heaven
"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"
'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'
'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'
"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"
"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."
'God's forgiveness of sins ... is that like a spiritual bailout program?'
"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."
"I wonder how many people are claiming to be your messiah right now?"
"Perhaps if you guys just swam along behind us for a while."
Noah's ark, many lions
Moses Today. Due to the sensitive nature of this matter, my source wishes to remain anonymous.
'You know, I never have had a sabbatical....'
Christian and Born again Christian...
"I think you refuse to admit your god condones slavery, because doing so would be an admission you are more moral than he is. And that conflicts with your Borg programming."
"Commandments aren't really selling these days. However, we're willing to consider self-help tips or personal improvement ideas."
"Any distinguishing 'PARSONAL' characteristics?"
Bible Bloopers
'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'
'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).
"Wow, Jesus. That lesson rocked, someone should write this stuff down."
Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation
Nun Binning the Devil
The ten ammendments
''No other gods before me'? Oh - You're one of THOSE types.'
A likely story - lost his waterskis in a poker game !
"Sure, it's Good News, but is it fake news?"
'You always talk about robbing Peter to pay Paul, but you never mention Mary.'
'Can you just send the digital copy?'
"If He didn't want us to eat it, why'd He wrap the whole thing in bacon?"
To monk showing book entitled 'Brand Spanking New Testament': "I think we may have to shorten the title."
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