Religious Professional Pillows

Nun reading book titled 'How to be good in bed.'

"You're losing the audience. Switch to the Powerpoint presentation."

"I'm afraid I can't green-light anything - you'll just have to pray."

'The BOSS sent me down to help rebuild your faith.'

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Mildred-thy milk runneth over!'

Boneheads! I never said I was bringing ten condiments!

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"Your son is asking a lot of questions about the giant hands in the sky that controls everything."

God Sneezes Out Creation

Two priests share a laugh outside a confessional booth

"O.K., O.K., people - we're not workshopping these, they're already set in stone."

Golfing Bishop.

"Actually, I'm really looking for blessings that aren't in disguise"

"Today, I'll be cherry-picking from Deuteronomy."

"All we have left is standing room only."

'You'll never believe this - they've found the actual body of Jesus!'

At the 2021 Religious Games

A surprise in heaven

"O Lord—why art thou such a drama queen?"

The Current Separation of Church and State Explained.

A child interrupting family prayers

Priest

"We've been wandering in the desert for forty years. But he's a man—would he ever ask directions?"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

"In the same of the phone, the tablet, and the desktop computer."

Cleric with bible briefcase.

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"Mainstream? Who's to say what's mainstream?"

Revival Meeting - Simultaneous translation of all talking in tongues.

'Look, I never said salvation would be PRETTY!'

"You're kidding! You count S.A.T.s?"

"Drop everything, Dominic. I need you to proof this for blasphemy."

"Then it's agreed. Judgment Day, whenever it comes, will fall on a Thursday, so that they'll get the long weekend."

Ten Commandments