Religious Family Humor Pillows

"You must be the Pastor's kid I have heard so much about."

'Holy-Kanoly' makes his infamous 'Leap-of-Faith' jump.

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"You call this a constitution?"

"I certainly trust this meal is kosher."

"This Adam and Eve thing -- Is there a warranty?"

Dogma

'Tell us the story of Moses again -- I like the chase scene!'

"You say I can move mountains? Right now,it's all I can do to turn over a new leaf!"

'It's good to see you, Mr. McWit, but you do realize that today is neither Christmas or Easter?'

'The Brothers of the Order of Saint Orson, patron saint of fried foods'

"I've heard great things about your church. Thought I would visit and say keep up the good work."

'You're one of my kids? Really? I'm so sorry, I have so many it's hard to remember them all...'

'Well, there go all MY plans....'

"Your mother and I want to make your 21st birthday a moving experience. We'll help you pack."

'I'm about to have a tantrum. What are you doing?'

Sermon Applause.

United Church of OMG

'Please take your receipt!'

"Does the ark have wifi?"

"Since we now have a leaking roof problem, it might be a good time to schedule baptisms."

Paul was Generally Considered the Cutest Apostle

'This whole Noah's Ark business sounds like a quota system to me!'

'What are you giving up for Lent this year?' - 'Anchovies.' - 'I thought you hated anchovies?' - 'I do. Care for a cookie instead?' - 'Lent is supposed to be about challenge and sacrifice!' - 'Play to win, Baby!'

"I was kind of hoping just to tell them what they want to hear...."

"Dearly beloved, and others..."

'Turn the other cheek, reverend.'

'Dad, if God rested on the seventh day, who milked the cows?'

'Number three?', 'This is NOT a quiz!'

The Vatican's undercover mission to Antarctica, and some endangered penguins.

"So tell me, Wallace. Has someone gobbled up my Viagra again?" "No. Wait. I thought they were delicious candy mints!"

"But you said I should serve our guests the can of peas!"

Religious Maintenance: 24 Hr Callout.