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The Singing Nun takes it on the road.

'I liked the part when he said we're all going to Hell!'

"The water changes them back into babies. I think they call it the Fountain of Youth."

"It was better before God took up knitting."

'A religious zealot denounces a toaster for working on the Sabbath'

A surprise in heaven

"Why did we run out of wine?! I'll tell you why...Mary's son brought 12 of his friends who crashed the wedding party! That's why!"

Benedict & Associates: Communication Strategies, Lobbying. . .

'Agreed, 40 years is a long time to wander around, but think of the travel expenses.'

"And almighty God said to Adam, 'Get a room already will ya!'" "Little known fact from the Book of Genesis."

"Why, Vicar, I'm Eve in the Garden of Eden, surely..."

"Enough with the treehugging already!"

"At first, I was teaching Job a lesson, but now I'm just messing with him."

Gates of heaven

"Of course there's an afterlife. It's called 'death'."

Fish Baptism is by full emersion

"My name's God, and I approve this message."

"At the time I thought it was a goose."

'All the tellers are nuns.'

'If you're a nun, where's your nunchucks?'

The Old Enemies - Catholics and Protestants

"I'll convert. What does the attorney general recommend?"

Nun fight at the OK Corral.

'This is for the V.A.T.- the Vicar's Autumn Treat!'

'Forty years! How come that other guy got away with forty days and forty nights?'

Does this mean we lose our security deposit?

Thwarting the Boys from Brazil

"And now, a few words about the feel-God factor"

'I don't want anything for myself...But if it's not too much trouble, please send my mother a son-in-law who's a Doctor...'

"According to the breathalyzer, the wine definitely represents your blood."

"Hallelujah!"

"The Brother printer is out of ink."

Father Sinead takes confession.... "You did F%!&>$G what, you C%*T!"

Moral Outrage.

'I propose a day of mild exasperation in response to Richard Dawkins.'